woffa
New Member
Posts: 5
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Post by woffa on Apr 1, 2010 16:27:50 GMT -7
First I thought I'd just put the title in to see how many views without responses the post got, however this is a matter that concerns us all.
I'll go first if your all a bit shy.
I'm a happily married man of 31 who has just become a farther of a little girl. However I do find sexual intimacy a little different post amp due to reduced sex drive and difficulty in getting into those familiar positions etc.
Anyone else have any similar experiences.
I'm a LAKA for info.
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Post by allenuk on Apr 5, 2010 4:13:39 GMT -7
As you get old, some things become a source of regret, particularly if health (lack of arms or legs) is a factor. You look back on staircases you once ran up, long walks you once took (or failed to take), sight and hearing once so acute you could see and hear a bird yawn at 400 yards, and so on, and on.
You learn to live with what you've got.
Sex, fortunately, becomes less important as you get older. Thinking back on the times 30 or 40 years ago when I was led by my hormones rather than my head, I am pleased that now I am free of that constant sexuality, and that I can now meet people as people rather than as possible sexual partners (or opponents!)
Would I like a time-machine? Of course I would, but as that's probably not on offer, I'll settle for the memories.
Allen.
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ann58
Female Member 
Posts: 278
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Post by ann58 on Apr 5, 2010 7:16:40 GMT -7
Allen, what a great answer....you continue to amaze me.  |
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Post by myztogen on Jul 20, 2010 6:48:24 GMT -7
I think this is a real issue, one that is probably experienced by alot of other forum users. I am early 40's, I havn't got a partner, I lost my right leg above the knee 18 months ago, sex and meeting someone is a massive issue to me. I still have a sex drive, although the medication can cause some problems. I am still in alot of pain, so going out to meet someone is difficult as I cannot use a prosthetic leg, As I said I think sex is a massive hidden problem in the world of disability.
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Post by carolyn4860 on Aug 12, 2010 7:00:42 GMT -7
As Allen has stated there are ebbs and tides in our lives. I had 3 children and sex was not on my mind during their young years :-) Don't disable yourself. As an almost lifelong amputee, I faced puberty, young adulthood and now my midlife as someone who is not perfect of body, but there is nothing wrong with my mind, or my sex drive. In fact I am in a new relationship that would have put my 20's to shame :-) It's ok to say I don't feel sexy right now, and it's ok to say hey lets find something new to do with this situation :-) As a woman there are advantages and I am certain you can find some too.
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Post by ann- on Aug 13, 2010 1:50:11 GMT -7
I think this is a real issue, one that is probably experienced by alot of other forum users. I am early 40's, I havn't got a partner, I lost my right leg above the knee 18 months ago, sex and meeting someone is a massive issue to me. I still have a sex drive, although the medication can cause some problems. I am still in alot of pain, so going out to meet someone is difficult as I cannot use a prosthetic leg, As I said I think sex is a massive hidden problem in the world of disability. Hi Myztogen I think very much the same as Carolyn, I too grew up wearing prosthetics and didn't find meeting people a problem, I married and now have three grown up children. But, maybe, being in pain and not being able to wear a prosthesis is part of the problem. I imagine having an amputation and not being able to be fitted with a prostheis quite difficult psychologically, hope you able to get some help with dealing with that. Are you hoping to get fitted with a prosthesis at some point or is it just that they have not been successful in fitting one yet? I have found the times when I have been unsuccessfully trying for months to get a prosthesis made, very frustrating and very difficult .... it can really knock your confidence, and the way you feel about yourself. So do understand where you are coming from, don't know all your circumstances but know that the practical issues of going out and about etc. not wearing a prosthesis can be difficult, even without the psychological feelings. Its still quite early days for you since your operation and think probably its more about whats going on in your head, and your current mode of thinking. If I were in your position, think I would be thinking about concentrating on myself, recovering from the amputation, getting my head around it all, etc. , try and sort out the practical issues and get your life back on track first, try and boost your confidence . Hopefully everything else will follow. Ann |
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ann58
Female Member
Posts: 278
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Post by ann58 on Aug 14, 2010 9:06:54 GMT -7
'myztogen' I am inclined to go along with ann...although I had my kids & they were grown before I had to go through an amputation..I didn't have to go through dating, etc. at that time of my life. I was happily married to a wonderful man who helped me get my head straight. That is where you have to start and the rest will come naturally. |
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abair01
New Member
Still Smilin
Posts: 24
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Post by abair01 on Mar 16, 2011 7:38:34 GMT -7
I love the thread title.
Hi I'm mike and I just joined the forum. I agree that with age sex because less important but still fun I hope. I just lost my leg last year and along with it my job and I find myself with too much time on my hands.
An odd thing has been going on in that some if the women I know have been showing more interest in me. Part of the reason I know is that I now have more time to talk and I have learned to open up a little more over the last year.
I find myself very shy about the idea of disrobing with out all limbs being in attendence. It is awkward enough that over the last year the only disrobing I have done has been for doctors and nurses.
Is it something I should give up on or not. I just turned 50 this month and I really love dating but wonder if I should redefine my expectastions.
Thx for letting me vent.
Mike
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Post by allenuk on Mar 16, 2011 13:37:10 GMT -7
Mike: you're right about the extra time talking - that would make a difference.
But I think it might be that (rightly or wrongly) women see you as less of 'a threat', as if you ever DID get violent with them, they could more easily get away.
I KNOW you wouldn't - nor would I, nor would (I hope) any of the blokes I know. But the perception that you COULD must be deep in most women's psyches. Wish it wasn't, but after thousands of years, I'm pretty sure it's there.
But on a positive note, look at it this way: you're going to form some really close relationships with women who see you as an equal and like you for what you are!
Allen
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Post by cherylm on Mar 16, 2011 19:23:32 GMT -7
Allen, you've mentioned that "lack of a physical threat" theory before...I'm not sure if it's just because I'm a big, tall, and assertive gal or what, but I don't think I've ever considered that possibility when dealing with a fellow. (May be a mistake on my part, but hey.......) What I HAVE taken into very serious consideration is said fellow's self-awareness and how well he can communicate that aspect of his personality. In many cases, that means that I am attracted to people who have not had a "smooth and privileged" life. If they've had to face some challenges and have both learned from them and come through them, that impresses me! And yes, that means that sometimes I find someone with a physical disability attractive...or someone from a "disadvantaged" background...or someone who has made a choice to forgo a financially successful career in order to do something to contribute to society.
Soooo...in Mike's case, I might like being able to have a serious chat with someone who has come through something major and -- perhaps -- learned something in the process. "Serious chat," with sufficient time for it, can be awfully interesting and attractive!
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Post by allenuk on Mar 18, 2011 3:28:16 GMT -7
You're quite right, Cherylm, that it is just a personal hypothesis, and not one that conventional psychiatry yet recognises! And of course, it might be ME that's got a different view of women/men post-amputation.
I'll give it some more thought, and come back.
A
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abair01
New Member
Still Smilin
Posts: 24
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Post by abair01 on Apr 1, 2011 19:37:32 GMT -7
Those are both really great points. I have never been the dangerous type. People see me for the very mellow person that I am. and always was. I am a good size man so I think its important to be aware of that size diference and be extra gentle.
I think many people felt that I was unreachable because of the position I held. Now that I am no longer employed there, that issue is gone.
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Post by mary53 on Jun 25, 2021 17:55:09 GMT -7
This is a big issue. I had my amputation Jan 2020.My husband refuses to have sex. He won’t tell me why. In fact he won’t even talk about it. Sarcasm in our early 50s drastically reduced from our 30s but at least we had it. In my 20s when I was single I was a sex feen. Lol. It’s hard to go with out it. In the last few years I’ve put on weight with my diabetes so I hope he’s not turned off by my weight or my missing leg. I have always been on the wild side in bed but he has always been conservative so I was thinking you could get a little adventures with on leg but I can even approach him. So I guess I never thought sex would be an issue.
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