abair01
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Still Smilin
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Post by abair01 on Apr 1, 2011 19:42:58 GMT -7
This is too weird
Recently I began a new relationship with a young lady and a few times when we have been together she jumps back because my stump is cold and she wants to know if I am ok.
This chill happens on and off and makes me nuts but it bothers me more now because she is startled by it.
She is coming over this weekend and the only thing I can think of doing is putting my shrinker on.
any ideas
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Post by cherylm on Apr 2, 2011 0:09:38 GMT -7
There are such things as "stump warmers," but the ones I know of are all hand-made...so don't think you'd be likely to find one for this weekend! Basically, they're knit or crocheted in a sort of conical stump shape, with a drawstring you can tie loosely to hold them on.......the one I have is a lovely thing in wide black-and-white horizontal stripes, rather like a rugby shirt for my stump.
As a quick-to-find alternative, I suppose you could indeed wear your shrinker...or a filler sock...or a loosely wrapped elastic bandage..........or SOMETHING.............. :-)
I wish you luck!
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Post by ann- on Apr 4, 2011 1:49:46 GMT -7
Hi, don't have any real ideas, just wanted to say that over here in the UK we are generally advised NOT to wear shrinkers at night. I think quite a lot of us find our stumps get cold when we don't wear our prostheses (but then people often have cold feet too). You could try putting an ordinary cotton stump sock on, or invest in a night sock that some use to help with nerve pains www.rslsteeper.com/prosthetic-products/lower-limb-products/medi/liners/relax-range/relax-night-care-sock, I use one of these on one stump myself and have found it stays on and does help keep the stump warm. If the stump is very cold though you might want to get it checked out, just to check all is ok.
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abair01
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Still Smilin
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Post by abair01 on Apr 8, 2011 18:36:44 GMT -7
Thats something to look into. It would be nice to find some cool looking covers and stuff so that I dont feel so self conscious about it. hey sounds like a new clothing line. Well things went a little better. My stump did not get as cold as it did the last time. This seem to occure only once in a while but frustrating when it does. Women are sensitive to cold and it can be very distracting.
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Post by kapteenkoukku on Apr 9, 2011 20:25:15 GMT -7
Hi, don't have any real ideas, just wanted to say that over here in the UK we are generally advised NOT to wear shrinkers at night. I do not understand why shrinker sock cannot be worn at night. What damage it can do or is it harmful in any way? I just returned from a month's trip to Finland. Being used to tropical climate and its humidity my skin became dry and tight in the dry winter climate, also the stump. The only way to keep the stump comfortable was to use the shrinker sock at night after applying skin lotion. The shrinker sock prevents the lotion from wearing off from the skin. I also use the shrinker in Singapore but not every night as the skin does not dry up as easily as in winter climate. Wearing the shrinker also feels comfortable when the stump is not in the socket, I guess that both the liner and shrinker apply about the same pressure on the stump so there is no difference between the day and night.
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Post by ann- on Apr 9, 2011 23:56:12 GMT -7
I do not understand why shrinker sock cannot be worn at night. What damage it can do or is it harmful in any way? . I think it's to do with circulation.
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abair01
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Still Smilin
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Post by abair01 on Jun 24, 2011 21:06:23 GMT -7
Thins are going good between my young lady friend and I. Every encounter brings on a new challange. What was to cold not long ago is now fine. I found her gently touching my stump a few times when she thought I was sleeping and I want her to feel ok with it.
I still have not worked up the nerve to go out in public wearing shorts. I dread the stares. how does everyone else cope with it.
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ann58
Female Member
Posts: 278
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Post by ann58 on Jun 25, 2011 11:47:04 GMT -7
I like the idea that Cheryl gave you....very cool....but I also wear my shrinker sock to sleep in...it is so wore out, it sure doesn't restrict blood flow. And I also liked Ann's idea for a {sleeper} cover. Use whatever turns you on...{and your friend}!
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Post by cherylm on Jun 26, 2011 2:13:36 GMT -7
The best way of getting over the fear of the stares, I've found, is just to go out there until you feel so comfortable that you stop "thinking about you" and about how others are reacting to you. You're going to notice folks staring at first. Period. You can respond to their stares or not...entirely your own option. If you get a sense that the stare is due to simple curiosity (small kids are good at that) and you want to answer their unspoken or asked questions, go ahead. If you're not in the mood to deal with possible questions, you're not obligated to say or do anything. If you want to ignore the starers, that's also fine. Ditto if you decide to give them a taste of their own medicine and STARE BACK AT THEM. You can also "joke" about it by wearing a snide amp-related t-shirt. It's your body and your life...just get out and live it.
My first year post-amp, I noticed everyone who stared. I just decided that I was not going to let the stares keep me from being cool in the summertime. By year two, I was still noticing the stares, but I was also more used to dealing with them. By summer number three, I didn't give a hoot about whether anyone was looking...I was just too busy going about my own life. The more comfortable you get with your own body, the less you'll notice or care about what anyone else thinks!
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Post by ann- on Jun 27, 2011 23:57:27 GMT -7
I still have not worked up the nerve to go out in public wearing shorts. I dread the stares. how does everyone else cope with it. With the Stares .... these days I just smile, and sometimes get into conversations with people but depends on how they are and how I feel. As you feel more confident, you will notice them less and deal with it better. I'd say wear whatever your comfortable with, or what you would ordinarily wear. I am female, but personally generally wear trousers or skirts, because that's what I feel happy wearing, there is no rules, do what you feel like.
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Post by oneblueleg on Jun 28, 2011 4:21:06 GMT -7
I wear shorts all the time and can quite honestly say I don't see anyone staring... if they do that's up to them, it doesn't even register with me. I'm proud of my leg, it transforms me from a being wheelchair bound to being a fully functioning bi-ped... I'd just say get out there with your chest pumped up and do it! Don't take any notice of anyone else. I realise it takes time, but you might be surprised at how quickly you switch to not even thinking about it.
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Post by stonecutter on Jun 28, 2011 15:18:21 GMT -7
I agree OBL! I found out within a year that what I was self-conscious about people don't notice. While in shorts, I realized that people asked me, "How'd you screw up your knee?" not realizing that they were looking at a prosthesis. Don't know how - I roll unfinished - and the exposed ankle is pretty unmistakable!
One thing I really don't mind is the curiosity of children. There's a certain age where they have no fear of something different and they come right up to you (usually to the absolute horror of the parent) and ask you "What's wrong with your leg?" as they point... I don't have a problem with that at all - they are taking their curiosity on head on. The grown ups who make their assumptions that I'm some kind of outcast are the ones who annoy me. But I let them stare. What else can you do?
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Post by barclay on Jun 29, 2011 22:14:59 GMT -7
To me people staring seems perfectly natural - the prosthesis is different and people stare at thing that are different. I also am glad to talk to people about it. I feel more comfortable and accepted as a person when people stare - I am less comfortable with people who look away and ignore me, though I understand that they are uncomfortable with the prosthesis and not me. What embarrasses me though, is that I look away from other differently built people! I am afraid that I will embarrass them - makes me a hypocrite, I know.
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Post by ann- on Jun 30, 2011 1:33:42 GMT -7
Agree with what Barclay says, I think it is very natural to look or worry about looking at peoples differences, which we are unfamiliar with. I remember one of my children, when they were quite young, commenting quite loudly about a lady whose hair was very highly arranged on the top of her head, it was quite ornately done, very elaborate .... my child was fascinated with this, I remember trying to shush them ... unyet that same child didn't appear to notice anything out of the ordinary accompanying me on my prosthetic appointments, and seeing people with arms and legs missing, it seemed nothing out of the ordinary to them.
Getting back to the thread though, for amputees though I think its very difficult, if you are struggling to walk on a prosthesis, or if you can't get one made that fits, your head is in a different place, to if you are walking well and doing normal things, if you are in the transition stage, then its a bit different because you have some realization that things will improve, but if you are further down the line its very different. so you may not actually feel proud of your prosthesis, because it isn't letting you do what you want to do, or you may not have access to prostheses at all .... and that is a whole different ball game and I know well how our mindsets can change when things are not going to plan prosthetically. Compounding this is that most of the discussion around amputees, is also around prosthetics and what people can do with prosthetics, not only media presentations but also, in the UK anyway, the services, maybe even user groups, and dare I say it often forums such as this geared around prosthetics.
Granted its a difficult one, because most amputee's want/expect to be mobile, want to get back to normality, and for most, with the right prosthetic provision and effort it's all possible, but not for everyone .... have been in that position temporarily myself,as I dare say others have, but have to say the amputees I meet that inspire me the most are the ones we never hear about on the media, who aren't able to walk or whatever with prosthetics but still get on with life and have somehow managed to get their head around it all.
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Post by oneblueleg on Jun 30, 2011 4:06:21 GMT -7
Getting back to the thread though, for amputees though I think its very difficult, if you are struggling to walk on a prosthesis, or if you can't get one made that fits, your head is in a different place, to if you are walking well and doing normal things, if you are in the transition stage, then its a bit different because you have some realization that things will improve, but if you are further down the line its very different. so you may not actually feel proud of your prosthesis, because it isn't letting you do what you want to do, or you may not have access to prostheses at all .... and that is a whole different ball game and I know well how our mindsets can change when things are not going to plan prosthetically. Inspired writing, spot on ann... I'm no athlete and don't even consider I have a fantastically fitting socket, but I have become complacent. It's easy to forget the feelings you have when things aren't going OK.
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Post by ann- on Jun 30, 2011 8:51:37 GMT -7
I agree OBL I think we do tend to become a bit complacent, and I know that I do take walking in prosthetics for granted, even though I quite often run into problems. I have been both ends of the spectrum probably several times and back again over my time as an amputee, so recognize the differences in feelings etc when things are going relatively well, and suppose by relatively well in my own case, I would say just walking really ... even just walking for part of the day, it just makes life so much easier all round ... but also my feelings and mood generally just changes, I am quite aware of this, and this is even as what I feel as a well adjusted and established amp of many years, so know its a different mindset that is needed when you can't wear them.
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abair01
New Member
Still Smilin
Posts: 24
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Post by abair01 on Jul 5, 2011 4:30:21 GMT -7
The other day I was in one of the big box stores (walmart) and a little 6 yr old was standing in a shopping cart while his 8 yr old brother held the cart. The father was getting his order from the deli and was not really paying attention to what his boys were up too.
The young one saw my prostethic under my pant cuff and leaned to his older brother who shyly said "my brother wants to know what happened to my leg. The father turned to scold him but I said quickly that I lost too many times at "Mortal Kombat" both the boys jaws dropped to the floor and the father busted out laughing.
Mortal Kombat is one of those gaming system programs that are very violent showing limbs being snapped from their victims (actually a lot of fun).
So the humor appeals to me. Some days it works and others I feel like a bit of a monster. (feelings are feelings)
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Post by stinker373 on Aug 29, 2011 19:39:48 GMT -7
Have you tried using a heating pad just before you go to bed?? as for the stares lol stare back if they look with that look on there faces It usually works . I ahe had kids call me metal woman and the parents wanted to hide under a rock. I felt bad for them as I laughed. Usually I speak with them and they understand what it all about. Kids usually arre the funnests people when they ask questions lol.
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Post by adiazeng on Jan 21, 2012 20:41:20 GMT -7
I wear shorts almost exclusively. Most people don't look for more than a glance and frankly it takes a glance from me to catch it. I wear my leg with pride too. One while riding the bus I was sitting in the elderly / handicap seating with 5 other young healthy able bodied people when a little old lady with severe osteosclerosis got on board. There were no seats available. After 30 seconds of watching everyone checking their phones, watches and generally trying not to make eye contact with her, I gave her my seat. I stood there in my shorts giving everyone in the elderly / handicap section the serious stink eye. It felt good to feel them cower from my stare! LOL As for the warmer. I always wear a cotton 5ply to bed. Sometimes it falls off in the night but its not really a problem here in Miami.
Different topic: I recently stopped disclosing my amp on my online dating profile because I was getting bizarre messages from women who wanted to do sick things with my stump. I am BK but more accurately, above the ankle. I cant even repeat what I've read let alone imagine it being possible. Anyway I disclose before any actual dating takes place but not in my profile. I've never been rejected by anyone because of it.
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autumn
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Single lbka
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Post by autumn on Jan 31, 2023 3:13:29 GMT -7
Me also!! Stella, ( my stump) stays freezing. Doesn’t matter what I try 🥶🥶
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