Post by rebeccajames on Sept 4, 2020 15:53:13 GMT -7
Hello there, my name is Rebecca and I’m weighing my options on a foot amputation. In 2013 while working in Iraq I broke my foot. Since it happened I have had 6 surgeries on it and am getting ready to have a 7th. My doctor has been discussing an amputation with me since surgery number 3 but has wanted to try everything possible to salvage the foot. Each surgery has addressed one issue and then created other consequential issues. In the last surgery they completely fused my first metatarsal (big toe) and removed the remainder of my joints (the second metatarsal joint was the initial injury and was demolished in my accident and then finally removed in surgery number 3). Unfortunately the last surgery left me with severe nerve damage. The amputation we have been discussing for the past 4 years was initially a forefoot amputation, at my doctors appointment earlier this week my doctor informed me that with the amount of nerve damage and pain I’m having, there is a good chance that I will still have the nerve pain Even with a forefoot amputation and it will not be the saving grace I was hoping for. In my next surgery they are going to attempt to resect the main nerve that they suspect is causing the majority of my issues (The nerve has already been resected once because I developed a nerve bundle tumor on it). This surgery is my last option and my doctor has told me if I can’t live with the pain level I’m at, I need to consider a full foot amputation or they’ve given me the option of a below the knee amputation.
This has been the hardest thing I’ve gone through in my life. I was a Marine, and then continued to work for the government Both in the states and overseas for 10 years. I’ve always been very active, an adventure seeker, a helicopter pilot, I traveled constantly and was generally out of the country for 330 days a year either working or adventuring. This injury completely turned my life upside down and living with chronic pain in addition to the transition from the Middle East to being back in the states has left me with severe depression and ptsd. I don’t take pain medication and manage it mostly through inactivity and staying off of it. I tried pain meds for the first 3 years but didn’t feel like myself and felt very slow while I was on them and I just don’t see it as a long term way to live my life. I have ankle problems and back problems because I walk differently. My entire life revolves around pain and pain management. As scary as it is to think of amputating my foot the thought of continuing to live like this and deal with chronic pain feels equally as terrifying. The pain in addition to being sedentary worsens my depression and ptsd, I attempted suicide in 2016 and worry that I could get back to that place again if I keep the foot. I also think that I’ve been in denial as to the severity of my injury since it happened. Even though my doctor was telling me how serious it was and that amputation was a very real possibility For years, I continued to think it would be fixed with each surgery. I told myself I was being hopeful and having a positive mindset but now I think I was really just in denial and so feeling the weight of all this now and trying to accept it is extremely difficult. And if one more person tells me I’m “strong” I’m going to punch them in the face. I have felt anything but strong since this has happened, I feel more like a weak little bitch for not being able to manage my pain and for not being able to heal from this injury.
I’d like to hear other people’s stories. The pros and cons of amputation in your life, do you feel you have more freedom or are you still limited in what you can do? What’s been your experience with phantom limb pain or any pain afterwards? How do you deal with the emotional side of everything?
This has been the hardest thing I’ve gone through in my life. I was a Marine, and then continued to work for the government Both in the states and overseas for 10 years. I’ve always been very active, an adventure seeker, a helicopter pilot, I traveled constantly and was generally out of the country for 330 days a year either working or adventuring. This injury completely turned my life upside down and living with chronic pain in addition to the transition from the Middle East to being back in the states has left me with severe depression and ptsd. I don’t take pain medication and manage it mostly through inactivity and staying off of it. I tried pain meds for the first 3 years but didn’t feel like myself and felt very slow while I was on them and I just don’t see it as a long term way to live my life. I have ankle problems and back problems because I walk differently. My entire life revolves around pain and pain management. As scary as it is to think of amputating my foot the thought of continuing to live like this and deal with chronic pain feels equally as terrifying. The pain in addition to being sedentary worsens my depression and ptsd, I attempted suicide in 2016 and worry that I could get back to that place again if I keep the foot. I also think that I’ve been in denial as to the severity of my injury since it happened. Even though my doctor was telling me how serious it was and that amputation was a very real possibility For years, I continued to think it would be fixed with each surgery. I told myself I was being hopeful and having a positive mindset but now I think I was really just in denial and so feeling the weight of all this now and trying to accept it is extremely difficult. And if one more person tells me I’m “strong” I’m going to punch them in the face. I have felt anything but strong since this has happened, I feel more like a weak little bitch for not being able to manage my pain and for not being able to heal from this injury.
I’d like to hear other people’s stories. The pros and cons of amputation in your life, do you feel you have more freedom or are you still limited in what you can do? What’s been your experience with phantom limb pain or any pain afterwards? How do you deal with the emotional side of everything?
