New amputee here

[lazyrooster1983]

Hello I just had my left leg amputated a month ago and I have no idea what I'm in for. Its an over the knee amputation and I kno its for better but can't help but feel depressed and feel like I'm doomed. I'm 36 and married with a almost 3 yr old boy. Feel like I'm not gonna b able to play with him like I did b4. I live in atlanta georgia. Don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff and my family just doesn't understand.

[spyder]

Welcome to ... !!!

1 Month ... stay cool ... having Kids is a good Motivation i think ... it will get better but it takes some time.

Greets Roland

[lazyrooster1983]

Thanks im trying to stay positive

[cherylm]

Going through some wildly swinging emotions is completely normal after going through something as major as an amputation...this is all still really new to you, and you haven't had the chance yet to figure out all that you WILL be able to do. Staying positive is a good idea...just know that some days that's easier than others and cut yourself a little slack when you start to feel "down." You'll bounce back again...really!

I can guarantee that you'll be able to play with your son. Just figure out a good combination of "active" and "just stand or sit" activities, so that you're still able to play with him on days when you're not in the mood to be running around. Yes, "running around" is still an option, but you may do it in shorter bursts. So are possibilities like hiking, fishing or hunting, shooting baskets, or swimming. I have one friend who shares his love of cross-country morotcycle racing with his son...and spyder from up above has shared some of his skeet-shooting events with us. Amputation can turn out to be a way to live your life more fully, once you start to figure out the "work-arounds" to keep doing the things you enjoy.

If there isn't another amputee near you to "show you the ropes" you can always ask questions here...we're a friendly group and always willing to share our experience with "newbies."

[Deleted]

Hello...I am a new amputee.  Had my first amputation in March 2020, and due to a poor job by my surgeon, I had to have my leg RE-AMPUTATED in September 2020.  I have a blood clotting disease, and developed a 4" blood clot in my left femoral artery.    My lower leg "died" and the vascular surgeon (and I use that term loosely)  that did the 1st surgery did not attach ANY muscles to my femur. (He told me that he had done a1000 amputations, and that's not how he was taught!!!!) and this was at the University of Tennessee Hospital in Knoxville!  Consequently, my femur flopped back and forth for 6 months, causing terrific pain in my stump, (sorry, residual limb) due to my femur scraping against my quadriceps, and presenting itself  subcutaneously about 3 inches.  I am an RN, and researched this problem, "femur drift", for months.  This cocky SOB told me all I did was complain about pain, shook his finger at me, and told me , "You will NEVER find anyone to do what YOU THINK needs to be done!!" 
                                                                                          He was wrong.
 I found an ORTHOPEDIC TRAUMA SURGEON in Nashville TN at Vanderbilt, and he went in and re-amputated my leg and drilled holes in the femur, performed a myodesis, and now the pain in my RL is practically non-existent.  Terrific phantom limb pain though.    Absolutely horrible.  I'm taking 600mg of gabapentin 4 times a day, and also oxycodone.  
Fast forward to 2/4/2021.  My second incision finally healed and I have been fitted for my AKA K-2 prosthesis which will be ready on 2/12/2021. This prosthesis is an interim one, with the goal of a K-3 eventually.  I am 69 years old, previously very active, live in and hiked the Smoky Mountains.  But this has TOTALLY blind-sided me!  I cry all the time, not just from pain.  The slightest thing will set me off.  My husband does not like to hear nor see me cry, so I have to wait until he leaves the house before I can melt down.  I miss my car ( 6-speed Mazda Miata convertible)  (my husband sold it and bought a Ford Explorer) YUK!  I miss hikin' on my mountain.  I miss grass on my feet. (not the smokin' kind).  My foot didn't touch the earth all last year.  I miss "stick pick-up parties" and burning deadfall on our property.  I miss walking my dog. I miss sitting on the front porch at night spotlighting bears.  I miss cooking.  I miss cleaning my house.  (yes, I really do)  I miss sex. I miss walking 1/2 mile to the mailbox everyday.  This list goes on and on.    
I guess I need some sympathy...my husband just doesn't get it. Since we are so isolated up here on our mountain, I don't get the opportunity to talk to anyone face to face.  Everyone in my family seems to think I should just "get over it" and they tell me this pretty much on a weekly basis.  But I'm havin' a horrible time getting over it.  I need help.  Or direction.  Or some enthusiasm.  Or something.  I am depressed, really for the first time in my life.  Someone please give me some idea about what I can do.  Thank you.

[mary53]

Hi. I get around pretty good with different size wheelchairs. Plus I got those foldable benches that get me lower to the ground. I also got a chair lift. I also inch around while holding on to something. Plus I use my walker. A child is a challeng but at 3 hopefully she is potty trained. And is in her own bed. She just has to accept you may not be able to get picked up as much. Hopefully your husband is supportive. You will soon have your prosthesis. Good luck.

[cherylm]

Hi, smokymtngirl and welcome to the Forum! I'm going to disagree with your family...it's not necessarily time for you to "get over" ANYTHING yet, because you're STILL GOING THROUGH IT. 2020 was a miserable year all on its own, and you've been through TWO amputation surgeries in the middle of it. You don't even have a prosthesis yet. You have every right to feel WHATEVER you happen to be feeling.

Now a word of advice to you: Try to look BEYOND where you are right now. At the very least, try to go into the new, transitional, prosthesis with some hope and curiosity about how far it might be able to take you. After all you've been through in the past year, you most likely will face a lot of work in getting decent mobility back...but if you were as active in the past as it sounds, you have a GOOD underlying basis to build on.

I know of AKAs who hike, ride bikes, participate in any number of sports...I don't know how strenuous your mountain hikes were in the past, but a whole LOT of the things that you miss can be "do-able" for you with some practice and possible adjustments. I'm NOT an authority on AKAs (I'm a BKA, myself) but we have some active AKs among our members who may be able to offer some ideas on "work-arounds" to help you save your energy for the things you really enjoy doing. You'll find a lot to enjoy! Try to come up with a way to prioritize your activities and work your way up the list. You'll most likely be able to take that walk to the mailbox well before you're doing a mountain hike...Sitting on the porch, feeling grass on your feet, cooking (perhaps with a stool inthe kitchen to help you out) are all good "early on" goals. Walking the dog depends on how big and energetic the dog is and how wide-ranging the walks...but that can definitely be somewhere in the middle of your list.

I won't offer an opinion on your husband, except to say that you both will need to work on communication. Has he ever told you what's going on in his head with regard to your health matters? Have you been able to just level with him about your actual physical pain, the odd (but very real) impact of your phantom pains, and the fears you have about the future? He may just not have any idea of how to deal with the situation...he may just not get how much you've been trying to cope with...or he may just be acting like a jerk. Only the two of you can work that out, but I know of many, many couples who have come through the trauma of an amputation with a stronger bond than ever. I hope you can reach that point.

Do keep reaching out to connect with folks who can offer you support and advice. You really DO need to make contact with other amputees...hopefully including some of your own age and amputation level, with some of the same interests. It can help so much to either have an amputee "mentor" or someone who is on the same recovery path. Check out our forum and other online services...see if there your prosthetist knows of other AKs who would be interested in a support group...just give yourself every chance you can to gather info on building back a good, active life. And let us know how you're doing...we're friendly and helpful!

[Deleted]

Cheryl, thank you for your reply. I get my prosthesis on Friday. The socket fitting was done 2 weeks ago, and I picked a radical colorful design for it. It did not hurt AT ALL when I put all my weight on it. So I think I am going to be able to wear it and get walking very soon. HOPEFULLY!!! I called my sister in ARK and talked for a long time today. That helped some. My husband I think is just overwhelmed with everything that has happened in the last year (4 surgeries- 2 femoral bypass attempts that failed, and the 2 amputations.) We have been married 30 years, and he is just not the emotional or comforting type. At ALL. I can be sobbing, and he just doesn't know how to act. So I do all my crying when he goes to town, or to the MD, or just out mowing. I love him passionately, and we never argue, ever. I think he is just overwhelmed by all the things he has to do...cooking, cleaning, groceries, laundry, errands....everything I used to do. But he just HATES to see me cry, because he feels helpless. And that is what he tells me.
Thanks again for your reply. I will update when I get my prosthesis on Friday. Robbie