|
Post by quetzl on Jun 2, 2012 23:56:17 GMT -7
Im a friend of a below the knee amputee (Left). My journey to the forums is for eduction and enlightenment on how to be a better friend. I dont want to be that person who bogs him down with questions about how it feels, or what it takes to do what he does. He already has enough to deal with without me reminding him that he's not wha society calls "normal". Some of the stories here and on other sites have really hit me with emotion. Things that I dont ever worry about are daily struggles for a lot of amazing people. I just hope that I can learn how to be more aware and less inquisitive. And stop moving things out of his way when he's trying to get around. Or bringing things closer. I can't stop that one yet. I understand completely if you feel Im in the wrong place on my journey. But I am hoping you allow me to continue to be a part of this community. I like the real feeling here. My best to you all!!
|
|
|
Post by allenuk on Jun 3, 2012 0:24:50 GMT -7
Quetzl: we haven't got an 'amputees only' rule, and have a few members who are relatives or friends of amps.
Specifically, you sound as if you've got the right approach to your friend - what most of us amps crave is a NORMAL life - just to get on with it, like you. And certainly not people constantly asking "Are you alright?" "Is this the wrong thing?" and so on.
If you are ever planning 'trips', then do bear in mind that most of us don't like stairs, although I do know a girl who happily went off to Italy, up and down all those interminable spiral staircases, with her right BKA, but she's odd.
Yours is a difficult position, as what I'm asking you to do is to maintain an air of 'normality', while being just a little aware at the back of your mind of potential problems. Body image hasn't really been a problem with me (see photo!), but for some younger more fashionable types, it might be. Maybe others here could comment on that.
Best to you (and friend) too.
Allen, bka, London.
|
|
|
Post by cherylm on Jun 3, 2012 21:50:23 GMT -7
Hi, Quetzl. As far as I'm concerned, I think it's a good idea for most family and friends of amputees to seek out a place like this forum where they can learn a little bit about how an amp goes about living a normal life...so, yes, welcome!
There are, indeed, a certain number of accommodations that amputees need to make, and the vast majority of us are capable of doing that on our own. To me, it's very frustrating when someone "normal" insists on trying to "make things easier" for me, implying that I'm NOT "normal." If your friend has been at the amp business for a while (a year or more), they've most likely figured out what they need in the way of accommodations. If they've been an amputee long enough to feel well-adjusted with their "new" body, they won't have any problems in telling you when they need assistance. If they don't want assistance, then just don't make a point of insisting that they accept it. And when they DO want to either get some assistance--or just talk about some situation they're dealing with--just LISTEN to them and respond as if it were any other normal, everyday conversation. To an amputee, talking about some difficulty attached to being minus a limb or two is not meant to be a plea for pity...it's just "how life is" and no different than someone talking about any of life's inconveniences.
If your friend is a fairly new amputee, they may still be trying to figure out how to get back to normal-feeling life. Just be there for them, listen, make a suggestion if one comes to you, and then let them decide what to do. Just like with any other friend. Really.
I once had a friend who insisted on telling me how "inspirational" I was EVERY SINGLE TIME that I made a move around her. It drove me absolutely CRAZY!
I think, as Allen said, learn to keep in the back of your mind that being short on the leg count means that, sometimes, you just don't feel up to climbing lots of stairs...or walking long distances...or strolling down the beach, leaving footprints in the sand. There may be other times that any one of those activities will sound perfectly reasonable and "do-able" to the same amputee. Just go with it and enjoy whatever the journey may hold...it's really that simple!
|
|
|
Post by snowyh on Jun 17, 2012 20:01:42 GMT -7
Hi, Quetzl. I have a totally off-the-subject question. Are you from Guatemala? I only ask because both the national bird and the currency of Guatemala are the Quetzal. Does your handle have some other significance? Thanks.
Helen
|
|