Hello, I'm Jill

[Deleted]

I haven't really looked for support on-line before, but even though I am surrounded by family, friends, and even a therapist, I've recently felt that no one understands or can give advice.

I am 20, in college, and lost my right arm two years ago in a car accident.  I though that I was totally Ok with it all but recently I am having trouble.

Is this the right place to talk about what is bothering me and to seek advice?

I am a fine arts major and work at a summer camp in the summer.

[cherylm]

Hi, Jill, and welcome! Yes...this is absolutely the place to talk about all those "amputee things" that even the most well-meaning family and friends don't seem to understand! As you probably already know, just being an arm amputee makes you "a minority among a minority": we have a significantly higher percentage of leg amps than upper-extremity folks. (I'm one of those one-legged folks myself.) But we do have a number of arm amps, and there are some issues that are common among all amputees no matter what limb(s) we're missing.

So, what kinds of "trouble" have you been having recently? I know that two years can seem like a long time when you're twenty, but in terms of adjusting to losing a limb, it's not long at all...you have every right to still be adjusting to it all....

[stonecutter]

Others not knowing what to say or do was an interesting predicament for me. I had everything from,

"Oh, my grandpa / uncle / friend / etc... had lost a finger and he said he can still feel his finger. Do you have that?"

"Oh, my grandpa / uncle / friend / etc... lost a leg."

"So, you mean you're going to have a wooden leg?" Wow. I don't think they've been carving fake legs outta wood for quite some time...

"Just think of the weird things you'll be able to do at parties..."

My favourite was the people who clearly had misinformed ideas of what it's like to lose a leg. I had a relative talk ... really ... slow ... and ... loud ... at ... me at the first Christmas gathering as if I had my ears and half my brain included in the amputation.

I was told that under no circumstances would my great grandmother be told of my amputation, as she would be traumatized because she was under the firm belief that people who were mutilated were freaks and should be kept out of sight. I didn't know her that well. She didn't speak English and I didn't speak Ukrainian so we usually just sat there staring and smiling at each other... But still. That was a little strange.

My point to all of this is - (well with the exception of the G-Grandmother) is that folks need to get their head right with it just as you have / are. Once that happens, and they realize that you are still you, things should return to normal. (Although my dad still asks me on very active days hunting in the bush if I'm okay...)

Stick with it - if you need to chat or vent or ask questions - we're here!

[Deleted]

Thanks for the kind words. I'll hang in there! As soon as I can I'll try to put my problems into words and write a longer post. Meanwhile, thanks for being there.

[stonecutter]

Just start typing... it'll come out...

[snowyh]

Hey, Jill, Helen here. I became a right-arm amputee at age 15 due to cancer (I am now 58). The toughest part for me was the age at which I lost the arm. The teenage years are special because that's when we're developing our social self-image, especially with the opposite sex. You know, figuring out how we rate--whether we are more or less attractive than our peers and learning to feel comfortable with the way we look (amputee or not!). I think had I lost my arm as a young child, or perhaps in my 30's or older, it may not have impacted me so much in that respect. Anyway, that was the most difficult part of the adjustment for me.

It sounds like you haven't let the loss of your arm slow you down too much--you're getting on with your normal life, which will definitely help you adjust to your new situation. Keep in mind that the 5 stages of loss (denial, anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance) are not necessarily sequential--you can pass back and forth between stages multiple times. If you were fully emotionally healed only two years after your accident that would truly be exceptional! Hang in there, and post something when you get your words together. We're here for you .

Helen

[vader7]

No one will understand what it is like to be an amputee unless they become one. Don't be too hard on other folks for having a reaction to you, the amputee. They just do not and cannot understand what it is like. Amputees are in a league of their own.