getting ready for surgery-bad weekend

[annanicole]

Hi I'm scheduled for a right below the knee amputation on 10-27. I'm excited, scared and hopeful all at the same time. It's been a long road to here.

The reason I'm writing is, my husband, my grandparents, aunts, cousins, friends, counselor, surgeon, primary care doc are all on board and happy for me.

However, my distant largely absentee father and my tad bit of a narcissist mother are both reacting very very poorly. Telling me this is the worst decision of my life, I'll regret it, I'm foolish, I need to try harder, or persevere longer, b/c you know unending perseverance is the way to happiness.

I am doing my best to.love both through.this as I know they are scared, but I find their voices and toxic negativity entering my thoughts late at night.

How have you dealt with this? I've put them.both on correspondence time out, my husband screens all their calls emails texts and passes anything not bad on to me. I just simply hate living in conflict. I'm the peace keeper.

[cherylm]

You may have to continue to use Hubby to "run interference" for communicating with your parents for a while. As I mentioned earlier, I didn't have to go through my folks' reactions, simply because they had already passed on. But I did have some "virtual parents" who did their darnedest to be supportive but were terribly afraid of the entire idea of my losing a leg. I think your folks are most likely also terribly afraid...but they can't admit that because, well, they're your parents and are supposed to be "strong and in control." Sooooo...they issue proclamations and predict doom and generally just try to place any unwanted consequences onto you. Not right, of course, but human........

I'm still willing to bet that, after your surgery is done AND after you've recovered and are living a full, happy, and pain-free life, your folks will come around. They may never admit that you made the right decision to your face, but they'll be happy for you and probably won't mention their objections any more either.

You can try to talk to them about this and it may work...but it also might just increase their determination to try and talk you into maintaining the status quo. Just remember, "they're only human."

Until then, do your best to let their words just pass you by...and keep your husband on "guard duty!"

[snarfler]

I have to almost chuckle. If someone asks me what I "Do" I would have to say I spend every day coming up with new and exciting ways to be a complete disappointment to my mother. She has been a constant source of never ending criticism no matter what the topic. I long for her passing so I may take a sigh of relief and say, "Now I can be an honorable Man". Parents will always take a position of responsibility when it comes to your health. Seeing you lose a limb is failure to them. Do what you must do to improve your situation and let them come to terms with their own shortcomings. Remind them that if they can't be supportive then to please be silent.

[vader7]

I cannot stand when other people act as if a choice like this will effect their lives in some way. It's about you, you made your choice. You need to set them both straight with a healthy talking to and help end unhealthy narcissism in America.

Are you going to get fitted for a prosthetic? How did your amputation go and how do you feel?