Feeling better and then...crash...Halloween!

[Deleted]

Am I the only one who has alot of trouble with Halloween?  Is that a 'new amputee' thing or another of the many 'neverending nightmare' things?

If I go out to tonight with no makeup over over my facial and body scars, and wear a sleeveless blouse, everyone will think it is a great costume! Except I have to live it the other 364 days.

[Deleted]

In the hour I've on line, since I posted that, I've gotten TWO invitations to go to a Halloween party as a "zombie".

What is the matter with people? Don't they think or care how much they hurt me?

Hard not to cry.

[cherylm]

Jill, even though it's been a while for you, you're going through a lot of "brand new amputee" feelings right about now. It does get better...and it will help once you reach the point where you can "take charge" of how you address the usual array of amputee questions. The best thing you can bring to the table regarding Halloween is a sense of humor that's much more warped than any of your friends...zombies are sooooo past their prime!

I'll admit that my own sense of humor is pretty darned warped...but my second Halloween party post-amputation was a flat-out salute to my missing leg. (My first Halloween party, I just ignored the entire amp issue and dared anyone else to bring it up...which worked just fine.) Second Halloween, I went to a party in my wheelchair, without my prosthesis, made up like a bloody accident victim, with a pair of jeans that had the left leg torn away and bloody bits of "skin" hanging from my stump. It was quite grotesque-looking...but the "over-the-top" part was the dessert I brought to the party: it was a cake sculpted to look like my missing lower leg and foot, complete with flesh-colored fondant icing covered with red decorating gel "blood" and red licorice "veins" and "arteries." It had a meat cleaver stuck into the calf muscle.

Yeah...it shocked people. They giggled nervously, and I think only one or two people dared hack themselves off a slice of that cake. But it also convinced everyone that nothing they could come up with was going to top my own attitude...and at that point, I was accepted as a survivor instead of being pitied as a victim.

You'll find your own way to handle the Halloween issue, Jill...to my own admittedly warped sense of humor, a beautiful Venus de Milo might make a grand impression. If this year seems to much for you, just put it aside for this year, and plan for the next. Take charge of your identity...don't let friends, family, or society in general define it for you.........

[Deleted]

Thanks.  I have reflected deeply on your words, and it has helped me much

[Ann]

Hi Jil, just been reading your postings and really sorry to hear of your experiences related to Halloween.

I too became an amputee when I was a teenager and understand that often younger amputees have a very perspective and may not find it easy to 'flat out salute our missing limbs' in the same way that Cheryl felt able to do. I remember when I was growing up as an amputee, the last thing I wanted to do would have been to do something like this, I just wanted to fit in with my friends and just really get on with my life, in those days I didn't really know any other amps and there was no internet, or forums like this so things were very different, society was very different too, prosthetics were very different too, people didn't really celebrate disabilities maybe that was a bad thing, or maybe not, I am not sure, although I never really thought that I was disabled, certainly I didn't feel like a victim, it was just about enjoying life and doing the normal everyday things that my peer group did, which to a large extent I was able to do, if I did things a bit differently then that was ok.

As I have gotten older and now meet many much newer amputees in my age group, I find that they have a slightly different perspective to me on living as an amputee, perhaps I am out of date, but then people who are older when this happens have usually had their growing up years, dating, perhaps marriage, working etc. as someone who didn't have to address the challenges of being an amputee in these years, so had those years to develop their resilience, confidence etc. from the experiences they have had throughout their lives and no disrespect to them or anybody for that or anything else, but when you are young and a new amp you have all this ahead of you, that is just how life is.

You will get there though, its all new still at the moment to you, and at the risk of sounding like someone very ancient, internet forums are useful and informative, but dont forget your actual friends and family and the life you were having before you became an amputee, there will be a new normal, it does all work out ok and you have a great life ahead of you. As Cheryl so rightly says don't let anyone define your identity, you are in charge.

[snarfler]

I think the most important thing is to say that I'm sorry. I went through similar changes in the beginning and I must say I did not assimilate well. It's all a matter of ones own perspective. I've known people who celebrate the anniversary of their amputation while others seem to block it from their history. Some decorate their prostheses while others try to hide it while another may go commando. It's a very personal change as you go through varying degrees of adaption and acceptance. On the bright side you can take some comfort in being invited to the parties. That means your friends are seeing past your amputation. They want to include you. Remember that no one amputated your personality.

Zombies seem to be en vogue right now with movies, Tv and books. As an avid yachtsman for more than 40 years, nothing lights my fuse faster than some dolt making reference to me being a pirate. There is no greater insult to a boater and has resulted in more than a few broken noses in dockside bars. Is it their problem? No. It's entirely my fault based on my perspective. Had I given the poor souls time to reconsider they may have realized how insulting the comment was. Well now they know. I'm working on it