How do I help my sister-in-law

[edihag]

My sister-in-law was involved in a horrible motorcycle accident. She has lost her left leg above the knee. Has multiply fractured ribs and a broken collar bone. We have never been through anything like this. She is still in the hospital. I know we will have months of trying to get her healed and on her feet. I want to help her but am not sure what to do. Besides the normal get her house cleaned up before she comes home. Grocery shopping. What can I do to make this transition as easy for her and her husband as possible. I am trying to be so strong. She is doing remarkably well. I want to be pro-active in her care and needs just not sure what this new life has in stored for us. Someone has to take the lead and get things done. I've got people asking what can we do. Uh I don't know.   Some advice from someone that has been through this would be appreciated.

[Ann]

Hi edihag, Welcome to our forum but am really sorry to hear about your sister-in-laws accident.

In the short term I would say all of those things you plan to do re the shopping etc. etc. will be really great help to your sister-in-law, really just being there for them both and making things as easy as possible for her to concentrate on her recovery when she gets home from hospital.

I am below knee (so not above) but based on my experiences would say things like shopping, cleaning the house, washing & ironing, the odd cup of tea etc. will all be welcomed. As she recovers though, she is going to be wanting to get back to doing things and getting her independence back, so depending on how she is at this time mobility wise, eg. crutches, wheelchair etc., probably just facilitating things in the home etc to let her do as much as she can do herself.  For example, if she is in a wheelchair, maybe temp ramps, moving furniture out of the way things like that. I am saying temp initially, because even though she has lost her left leg above the knee, the likelihood is once she has recovered and especially if she is fitted with a prosthesis you may be surprised how little in the way of adaptations etc she might need. 

Hopefully, others who are above knee on here who will be able to give you more info, other things will be dependent on where you are, what gets provided by the stat services, if you are in the UK then the Red Cross is a useful source for loaning equipment etc.

By the way, I think your sister-in-law and her husband are very lucky to have such a caring brother-in law, looking out for them. Hope everything goes well and that she is home from hospital soon.

[cherylm]

Hi edihag...lots of good ideas from Ann. In addition, I'd think about doing some minor "adaptations" to your sister in law's home before she's discharged. Don't go "all out"...but if there are small area rugs on the floor, take them up for a while, as they can pose a hazard for tripping, especially in the early stages of dealing with amputation. If she's coming home in a wheelchair, make sure that there are "wheelchair friendly" pathways to allow her to get from room to room on her own. That might mean moving some furniture to make wider paths and avoid very tight turns. If she's discharged using crutches, do the same thing. In either case, make sure that you explain that these are temporary adjustments until she is able to figure out what's going to work best for her, at which point she can make her own decisions about furniture, area rugs, etc....

Be encouraging and supportive, but make sure you're allowing her time to talk about her own feelings and concerns. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just listen as she tries to sort out what this new life is going to be for her. If there's anything in the way of an amputee support group nearby, and if she's interested in attending their gatherings, do all you can to help her get there...meeting others who are already dealing with the type of challenges she's going to face can be uniquely reassuring for a new amputee. This is a new situation for all of you, so don't try and pretend that you "know everything"...help her do research and contact people who can act as guides to living without a leg. Ditto for her husband. It can be helpful if you all develop some idea of life with an amputation.

Try to encourage her to keep up with her pre-accident friends and activities, too. It can be easy to feel overwhelmed and want to withdraw from the world, but ultimately she's going to find that her life will not be too terribly different from what it was before her injuries. Family members, old friends, church members or co-workers can provide a wonderful respite from focusing on her leg!

It's going to be a challenge for all of you...but it's one which can turn out well, given a little time and effort. Try to make her return home as close to "normal" as always, but be willing to step in with the sort of chores and support you and Ann have been talking about. It will be a balancing act, but you're all likely to be surprised at how well she'll be able to recover and how much mobility she will ultimately have.

All the best to all of you!