Post by sdellin on Jan 19, 2018 23:14:58 GMT -7
Hello All,
I feel kind of weird posting about the loss of a thumb. But that's what I've got. I felt the need to connect with other people who have lost parts of themselves as I work through this process of acceptance and adjustment.
Near Halloween this past year (2017) my father-in-law had a stroke. He is fine now. On Thanksgiving night, my mother fell over a dog bed at my house and broke her hip. She ended up having a partial hip replacement. On Christmas night, I had an accident that cost my half my thumb. Fortunately in on my non-dominant hand. It's definitely been a tough holiday season.
Again, I feel weird about complaining over the loss of such a small thing, when so many people have to live with much greater losses. My brother-in-law has CP and lives in a wheelchair. So I try not to complain, but I will tell you all what happened and see if I can get some questions answered and come to terms with this over time. After the family left my house, we gather her for Christmas breakfast, gift exchange and dinner. I went out to bring my horses in from their pastures to the barn. I usually bring the girls in, one at a time, in through the barn and into their stalls. This time, I was rushing around, and I brought them in through the paddock. If you don't know, a paddock is a small fenced pen on the outside of the stall. I put one horse into her paddock with no problem. She doesn't rush to food. The other horse, she always rushes to food. Normally when you put a horse into a pen, pasture or stall, you lead them all the way in, touch their flank, which makes them turn their rear end away from you, and you take off the halter. The horse then has to turn around to go to walk away from you. I did not touch Daisy on the flank, I allowed her to stand next to me, facing forward, as I removed her halter. She bolted for her food before the halter was completely off her face. I was, unfortunately, using a rope halter. I think what happened is my thumb slipped in between the ropes of the halter. These halters are ropes, knotted to form a halter, so in some places the ropes are doubled.
I didn't feel anything at first, but after Daisy took off, with her halter hanging on her face, I closed and locked her pen and looked down at my hand. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't expect to see a big red circle with a white bone exposed. I went into shock, screamed and ran for the house and my husband. We went to the ER and from their, to UC Davis Sacramento to the trauma center to see if they could reattach. After weighing all the information it became clear that if I let them reattach the thumb I would be risking the half thumb I had remaining. This was not a clean break or cut, it was a stretching tear injury.
So now, after a mourning period, I'm coming to accept and live with the loss of my thumb. It's not easy. I was on strong pain meds and have weened myself down to one only at night if it gets bad. My surgeon says my nerve is trying to find its other half and that I have phantom pain. I am a person who has always been whole, and it seems selfish to complain over such a small loss, but honestly it's been tough. My husband is very supportive, but he's a pilot and is gone for weeks at a time. He just got back, but most of my time while he was gone I spend in a depression, doing not much, of course, because I was one-handed. And I'm so tired.
I am beginning to use my left hand now, my surgeon says I can use only the sides, not the tip, but there are two nerves that zap me when I barely touch my thumb on the sides. I'm able to clean the horse stalls, care for all of my animals, and take care of myself, but it's slow going, all the time. If I fold laundry, I'm hurting after, if I do bills, I'm hurting after. If I pick up anything in my left hand, I'm in pain after. I'm okay, mentally, not as depressed, but just anxiously waiting for the time where I can do things at a normal pace and not be afraid of shock waves up my thumb.
Anyway, for what it's worth, that is my story.
I feel kind of weird posting about the loss of a thumb. But that's what I've got. I felt the need to connect with other people who have lost parts of themselves as I work through this process of acceptance and adjustment.
Near Halloween this past year (2017) my father-in-law had a stroke. He is fine now. On Thanksgiving night, my mother fell over a dog bed at my house and broke her hip. She ended up having a partial hip replacement. On Christmas night, I had an accident that cost my half my thumb. Fortunately in on my non-dominant hand. It's definitely been a tough holiday season.
Again, I feel weird about complaining over the loss of such a small thing, when so many people have to live with much greater losses. My brother-in-law has CP and lives in a wheelchair. So I try not to complain, but I will tell you all what happened and see if I can get some questions answered and come to terms with this over time. After the family left my house, we gather her for Christmas breakfast, gift exchange and dinner. I went out to bring my horses in from their pastures to the barn. I usually bring the girls in, one at a time, in through the barn and into their stalls. This time, I was rushing around, and I brought them in through the paddock. If you don't know, a paddock is a small fenced pen on the outside of the stall. I put one horse into her paddock with no problem. She doesn't rush to food. The other horse, she always rushes to food. Normally when you put a horse into a pen, pasture or stall, you lead them all the way in, touch their flank, which makes them turn their rear end away from you, and you take off the halter. The horse then has to turn around to go to walk away from you. I did not touch Daisy on the flank, I allowed her to stand next to me, facing forward, as I removed her halter. She bolted for her food before the halter was completely off her face. I was, unfortunately, using a rope halter. I think what happened is my thumb slipped in between the ropes of the halter. These halters are ropes, knotted to form a halter, so in some places the ropes are doubled.
I didn't feel anything at first, but after Daisy took off, with her halter hanging on her face, I closed and locked her pen and looked down at my hand. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't expect to see a big red circle with a white bone exposed. I went into shock, screamed and ran for the house and my husband. We went to the ER and from their, to UC Davis Sacramento to the trauma center to see if they could reattach. After weighing all the information it became clear that if I let them reattach the thumb I would be risking the half thumb I had remaining. This was not a clean break or cut, it was a stretching tear injury.
So now, after a mourning period, I'm coming to accept and live with the loss of my thumb. It's not easy. I was on strong pain meds and have weened myself down to one only at night if it gets bad. My surgeon says my nerve is trying to find its other half and that I have phantom pain. I am a person who has always been whole, and it seems selfish to complain over such a small loss, but honestly it's been tough. My husband is very supportive, but he's a pilot and is gone for weeks at a time. He just got back, but most of my time while he was gone I spend in a depression, doing not much, of course, because I was one-handed. And I'm so tired.
I am beginning to use my left hand now, my surgeon says I can use only the sides, not the tip, but there are two nerves that zap me when I barely touch my thumb on the sides. I'm able to clean the horse stalls, care for all of my animals, and take care of myself, but it's slow going, all the time. If I fold laundry, I'm hurting after, if I do bills, I'm hurting after. If I pick up anything in my left hand, I'm in pain after. I'm okay, mentally, not as depressed, but just anxiously waiting for the time where I can do things at a normal pace and not be afraid of shock waves up my thumb.
Anyway, for what it's worth, that is my story.
